Mary Sue's Last Potions Class
by BountyRai
Summary: That perfect beautiful lady finally gets what she deserves from the coolest teacher around.


A.N: I don't know, It was an idea that was in my head all throughout my vacation alone in the back seat. 

Disclaimer: I don't Own Snape, or Harry Potter anything. Hell, I don't even own Mary Sue, and if I did I'd torture the living crap out of the damned character. Enjoy.

                                    Mary Sue's Last Potions Class

                                                Completely Lost

            Mary Sue got up and wiped her eyes.  Her pink room was full of the sent of lavender and cinnamon. Since she was a special prefect, and saved Dumbledore of hungry invisible trolls (which only she can see), Dumbledore decided to give her her own room in her honor. 

            "Gee golly be-willikers!" she exclaimed as her large bluish-purple eyes flashed prettily. "Today is my first day of Potions Special Class for Extremely Special People!" She got up to comb her pretty golden-corn hair, brush her perfect teeth with nothing-nay-no braces wire has touched, and skipped like she was on air. Actually she was, because everytime she was doing something important (which was all the time) her fairy blood kicked in and she could fly. 

            She touched up her scar, which was secretly on the back of her head. The fateful incident happened when she was an infant, when she saved Harry Potter. 

            But now she was back in school. She hovered to the door. Her delicate hand reached for the knob and turned. Boys of all houses, in fact, all the boys from their houses piled at the door. Of course, Mary didn't like this, because she's got attitude. 

"What do you guys think you're doing? I am not a prize to be won!"

            Boys whispered, "That's what Jasmine from _Aladdin_ said…"

            "Who cares? She's hotter than Jasmine."

            "Maybe if I turn into a prince she'll notice me."

            Mary Sue vanished in a puff of bluish-purple, just like her eyes. The bell rang, it was time for potions class! That is- her potions class for extremely special people.

            Snape rolled his eyes as he saw Mary Sue arrive in her chair magically. 

            "Are you aware that I expect you to use the bloody door, no matter how special you think you are?"

            "You no-good, yellow skinned, ugly idiot!" Mary Sue became more beautiful with each word.

            Snape slapped his hand on his forehead and sighed. "Can anyone tell me why the hell she's even here in the first place?"

            One boy seemed eager to answer and sputtered out: "Because she saved Dumbledore from wild ravaging invisible trolls!"

            Snape stared at the young man. "20 points from …Hufflepuff…for hurting my mind."

            Mary Sue, who was the best fighter in school, decided to make a go at Snape. "You're just jealous because I'm Dumbledore's favorite!"

Snape decided that the only way to shut her up, is to ignore her. "Okay class. Today we're going to make an extremely difficult and deadly concoction. I expect that for…most of you…this shouldn't be much of a problem."

"I'm done!" Mary Sue said irritably.

"I haven't told you what to make yet." Snape snapped impatiently.

"While you look at me I can read your mind! My scar gives me telekinesis…" Mary Sue said in Snape's thoughts. 

That was it. Mary Sue had to die. 

Snape put on his most cunning smile. "Oh Miss Sue, oh how have I wronged you? I realize that I am just an idiot for you to make fun of and make you look cool, but I shouldn't have participated. I am jealous!"

"It's okay, Professor…Not many people understand that I'm supposed to be the best in everything, and the coolest student that ever walked the planet."

Snape sighed and looked at his shoes. "Miss Sue, since I've been such a jerk, can you come here please? I have a present for you…"

Wow! Snape is in love with me! Maybe he's not so bad…after I change his appearance. But I'd never cheat on my darling Sirius Black! Who is secretly dating me!

Mary Sue shrieked as Snape stuffed her in a cold dark room and slammed the door. She was in a nasty shock, but then calmed down. "I see what's going on, Snape wants me all for himself!"

"He must be lonely."

Mary Sue looked up in surprise. "Who's there!?"

"It's me deary! The cabinet!"

Mary Sue gasped in surprise. "You're the long lost furniture that makes everything beautiful! No one knows about you but me!"

The cabinet nodded. "Yes, but I see you don't need any of my help. You make me look ugly."

"Help me get out of here!"

"Why? I thought you were Mary Sue."

Mary nodded. "You're right!!" Mary Sue made a war cry and burst out of the door flying.

Snape saw Mary Sue fly around his room. "My god. Where's a shotgun."

Mary Sue landed on the desk. "You're no-good Snape! You're working for Voldemort!"

Snape was getting very annoyed. "Voldemort is dead. You killed him."

"Fool! I am Voldemort's daughter! I can since when he is near."

Snape blinked. "But he's dead."

"I made a potion that makes the dead come alive!"

"…We all have. That's the first lesson."

"Do you not understand?! You are Voldemort's reincarnation!"

Snape rolled his eyes. "Listen to this: I know you are a Mary Sue, and I know you supposedly have powers to do anything and everything you want. But don't involve me with your stupid modifications. I'm just a teacher, not a bloody soap character. Now if you'll excuse me…" Snape got out a pistol and shot Mary Sue twice in the chest. 

"Arghhh!" Mary exclaimed prettily and fell to the floor. 

Snape whistled as he dragged the carcass to the Mary Sue graveyard. He met up with Filtch. 

"Make sure this one goes down deep…very deep."

Filtch nodded. "Aye. And I bet I should make another hole for the next one to come 'round."

Snape rolled his eyes. "But we'll be ready…once more."

                        The End.

A.N: What's the moral of this story? No one likes a Mary Sue. Except the author that's writing her.


End file.
